Acton Item. What the Heck is It Anyway?

Perhaps one of the most dreaded jargon in the business world - action item.

Action items require tremendous amount of effort to complete. Finishing action items entail a lot of “thinking” and “doing”. These are very important. They are the atoms to a molecule. They are the foundation to a house. They are the nuts and bolts to a functioning piece of machinery. They are the blood life of your business team, group, or organization.

Let me quickly define what an “action item” means. An action item is basically an agreed-upon documented task, event, or activity that needs to take place.

Sometimes, action items can be very daunting. Most of the "note-takers" in a business conference bring their pens and notepads to write down not their colleague’s great ideas, or their boss’ opinion about important matters, or other interesting verbiages that comes along. They bring their pens and notepads to write down action items that they may be responsible for completing on certain due dates.

In my experience, sometimes these actions items are not quite as clear to a business group or team as they should be. Sometimes, it’s unclear as to who is responsible to complete it. Sometimes, it's unclear as to why it needs to be done. Sometimes, it's unclear as to how it can be done. Sometimes, it’s unclear as to when it must be completed. Or even worse, sometimes it’s unclear as to what the action item is!

So for my own sake and sanity, I had to define what an action item is in great detail. It is called an “action” item because it comes from a process called thinking to finally doing it.

In business, thinking has no value when it doesn’t transition into actions. In other words, we plan to do things. We don’t plan just to plan. Value means return on investment (ROI)… in terms of money, time, resources, and effort. However, I also understand that an action without prior analysis of cause and effect can lead to an end result of no value or even worse, negative value - wasting money, time, resources, and effort.

Therefore both “thinking” by planning and “doing” by acting must take place in order to be successful in the business world. It is only reasonable to think about what we're doing to do and not think about what we've already done. Planning must occur prior to taking action.

If we "plan" to "do" important things to be successful, then we must consider these 2 sides of an action item:

(1) Thinking of Action Item: "What needs to get done but why then how?"

• What is the action item - Clearly and carefully define in details as to what needs to get done.
• Why do we need this action item? - Reasons as to why this action should happen.
• How do we complete this action item? - The process for completing an action item.

(2) Doing an Action Item: "What needs to get done by whom and by when?"

• What is the action item? - Clearly and carefully define in details as to what needs to get done.
• Who is responsible for completing this action item? - assigned person who mutually agreed to complete it.
• When is the action item due for completion? - reasonable mutually agreed due date of an action item.

After all, if you were hired to just “do” work and not "think" about work, then you know you’re in trouble. We no longer live in the industrial world where being loyal to an organization by “doing” things will give you job security. We live in the information world where if you want to have at least a small shot at job security, then you must be employed to think and do.

Things as They Are. Things as I Think of Them

As you may or may have not noticed, I changed the subtitle for my blogsite from, "Management, Leadership, Human Relations, Personal Finance, Arts and Music" to "Things as they are. Things as I think of them."

Why change? I realized that I didn't want to convey that I'm writing about certain topics, but rather to write about "what I think" of them.

Imagine you are sitting in sand at the beach, it's sunrise at 5:52 am, also feel that it's cold and your at one of the California beaches What does that look to you? I bet you it's completely different than mine. I also bet that your imagination of this particular picture your created in your mind is unique from everyone else. I can certainly guarantee that.

With that note, let me tell you about the things as they are and as I think of them.

When I say, "Things as they are." I mean them in a physical manner. Something that can be measured. Something that is observable. They are basically anything that is of our physical universe. Physical is objective. For example... our body is physical.

So, when I blog about the great Eiffel Tower - you know what I'm talking about. You can see it, or at least have seen the picture, you can touch it if you've been there, and you know how it looks. Eiffel Tower is a physical matter. Therefore, Eiffel Tower is something that is observable to the public.

When I say, "Things as I think of them." I mean them in a thinking manner. Something that cannot be measured. something that is not observable. They are basically anything that is of our mental universe. Mental is subjective. For example... our thoughts.

So when I blog about how the breeze affects my day - you may not know what I'm talking about. You can't see the breeze I'm talking about, you can't really picture it, nor can you touch the very breeze that I was talking about, and you definitely don't know how it looks. The breeze affecting me is mental, my own interpretation. Therefore, the affect of breeze to me is something that is unobservable to the public.

Consider the taste of pineapple. How tall is it? How wide? Mental things don't have physical dimensions like that.

Consider subtraction. Where is that located, Chicago or New York? Mental things don't have physical locations like that.

This is exactly why I read blogs, books, and most importantly - I stop to listen and hear what people have to say to access their private mental realm. I'm not more concern nor interested in the things that they say, it's their own interpretation of these things is what will keep my attention. I mean, I can talk to 20 of my friends about how they feel about the 80s music. I bet I would get different and rather entertaining responses.

We live in a physical realm where people can observe you physically. If you shout, you'll be heard. If you dance, you'll be seen. We also live in a mental realm where what you do with your mind is completely unobservable - your thoughts, emotions, and mental calculations).

Needless to say, the blogs you'll read here are my private mental recreations, imaginations, and interpretations based on observable physical environment that surrounds me. Let them serve you for entertainment only and nothing else.

The Magic of Everyday Talking

I was born and raised in the Philippines. I moved to the United States in my later teen years. It is a little over a decade now.

One of the people I looked up to was my Uncle named Elvin. He passed away a few years ago. I dearly miss him. He was a person who respected cultural diversity. He believed that if a foreigner wants to live in the Philippines, he or she must learn the language and culture. He gave me the same advice when I left for the United States. He said, “Mike, now that you’re going to the United States and living there, you need to speak and think like them. Never speak in your native tongue in front of them because that is disrespectful. You need to assimilate and become one of them. That’s the only way to be successful. When in America, do as the Americans do.”

I've written and read in English ever since kindergarten. But as far as actual experience and having conversation in English, or even saying a word or sentence to someone who naturally speaks English, I had ZERO, nada. Needless to say, I was not completely ready to assimilate but somehow my calm nature got me through the initial phases to becoming an American.

I guess they called this getting “Americanized”. Upon arriving to the United States, a few months later, I applied for citizenship. I took my oath in Fresno, California and became a U.S. citizen in 2000.

I wanted to talk about my struggle in communicating with other people, and I still find it a challenge to these days. Having conditioned my tongue, way of thinking, and attitude that of a Philippine culture and heritage, I find the challenges of expressing myself a little frustrating at times. Some days, I feel like I could express myself more clearly. To add to that, I don’t even think I have a primary language now. Have 2 secondary languages: English and Visayan (not Tagalog).

Without further ado, I want to tell you how I feel about the English language and the magic of every day talking. This is my translation, my point-of-view, based on my cultural background, regarding how I feel about the Western language.

Western cultural learning tells us that talk is about word and influencing people – getting what we want, saying the right words, in the right way.

I noticed that talking here is more individualistic in nature, unlike in the Philippines – more collective in nature. Here, we seem to think that talking is a game. Consider tennis for example, using the ball as your words, where you hit the ball on certain areas of your opponent’s court side and you expect a predicted ball return or replied words based on where you placed the ball, your words.

We also consider talking as a contest, where you are there to prove yourself.

Speaking of proving oneself, one of my good friends always thought he’d be a lawyer when he grows up. He always had something to say to just about everything. Whether you’re right or wrong, he’ll find a way to argue with you in a friendly manner.

Here’s how I summarized the notion of when someone is making an argument just for the heck of it:

We start by assuming that there is a right answer and we have it. If we don’t have it now, we’ll find it by proving the other side wrong. By listening only to find flaws in the their arguments and then build counter arguments by defending our assumptions as if they were objective facts or truths, critiquing their positions and finally seeking a conclusion that justify our position. After all, we know we’re right on whatever it is. We are way better than average.

I stopped arguing with people after my second grade teacher said, “Mike, learn to listen!”

One thing I learned about Social Psychology while attending college is that our minds are wired to think of ourselves as better than average in every day situation, and when our thoughts are somehow challenged – we naturally think of ourselves as right.

Our view of talk is fundamentally simple… they don’t get it, it’s their fault.

I always wondered how I would communicate if I was born and raised here instead of having an ingrained cultural background from the Philippines. All I know is that, to become better at talking, we need to know more and blame far less when we’re dealing with difficult situations.

When to Ignore or Deal with Problems

Wish your problems would just go away? Me too. Ever been stuck in a problematic situation where you didn’t want to be in? I’ve been there too.

Let’s take a look at our problems and what to do with them.

Our problems can range from not liking the weather (that’s the case for me today) to having to change your car transmission. Knowing how to disregard certain problematic circumstances is far more important and productive than wishing they would go away. You need to face your problems. Here's how...

2 ways to work around your problems:

1. Ignore them. To ignore a problem means you completely disregard the fact that it actually exist. Problems that we can ignore are what we call “concerns”. These concerns are usually beyond our immediate control. This means that there is nothing we can do today to make an obvious difference the following day. One of the things that we can’t control is weather. If I could control weather – it would be sunny at 75 degrees F every single day because I despise cold weather. But, as you know, weather is beyond my control. If you feel like you’re having a bad day or feeling depressed because of the gloomy weather, ignore it and don’t deal with it. Dealing with this problem will more than likely put you in a very bad mood.
   
   
2. Deal with them. To deal with our problems is to recognize that they actually exist. You know these problems affect you immediately. To disregard them means to be able to find a workaround rather than ignoring them. Problems that we deal with are what we call influence. We can control these kinds of influential problem. This means that if we do something about our problem today, results will be immediately apparent. One of the things that we can control is our immediate physical environment, like when your car transmission is failing. If it is necessary to change your car transmission, deal with it and don’t ignore it. Ignoring this problem will cost you a lot of money down the road.

Keep in mind that a plan for ignoring all the pot holes on the road by dodging all of them is a bad plan. Sometimes, you’ll need a plan to deal with these pot holes because you will hit some of them.

On the other hand, the ability to ignore problems that don’t need to be dealt with will allow you to focus and conserve your energy towards other productive things. This is the way of putting your energy in dealing and fixing problems that is of your influence rather than of your concerns. Remember that concerns are things you have no control over and influence is something you can make an immediate difference when you do something about it.

Ultimately, the inability to ignore or deal with problems is the worst case scenario. When you are not capable of ignoring or dealing with your problems, you are headed for the worst. This is how physical fights usually start, this is how depression begins, and this is why you worry endlessly.

The outcome of dealing with problems should always be positive. For example, if you are having issue with another person, find a way to understand and make peace with that person (mutual/win-win attitude) instead of criticizing and even worse, punching that person in the face (I win/you lose attitude). I see this happen often. Some problems are not being dealt with wisely by some people and this is why we need Law Enforcements in our society.

Knowing when and how to exert your energy and recognizing what problems need to be addressed will determine whether or not you’re wasting your time.

Ignore the problems you have no control over and deal with the ones that you can do something about and that when you deal with problems, the outcome should always be positive.

3 Habits that Will Help You to Move Up in Life

You are who you hang out with.

For me, when I want to improve on my behavior, I hang out with people who are courteous and disciplined. When I want to improve my singing voice, I hang out with good singers. When I want to improve on my social skills, I hang out with likable and outgoing people. When I want to improve my academics, I hang out with smart and educated individuals. When my spending is out of control, I hang out with people who are frugal and thrifty. The general rule is to associate yourself with specific group of people that you believe can directly or indirectly influence your behavior.

When you hang out with the wrong crowd, life will drag you down. When you hang out with the right people, life will draw you up.

Here are 3 habits that will help you to move up in life:

1. It is better to hang out with people who are better than you. Sometimes, we are intimidated by people who are better than us. I was uneasy around them before but now I see it in a different perspective. When I stop to think about it, there are so many opportunities when I’m associating with people whom I consider better than myself. Instead of putting a wall between you and others, why not tear that wall down and be ready to absorb good stuff! Ignore the temptation to serve that little voices in your head who are saying negative things like, “Eh, you think you’re better than me. I’m not listening to you.” Or “Boo, you are not that cool. You’re just alright.” Or “Oh, you think you’re smarter than me? Well, I don’t think so!” The point here is not to close the door on those people who you considered better than you. Tear down that negativity wall. You gain everything by absorbing the good stuff and you gain nothing by closing your mind and heart. Don’t be afraid to hang out with people who you think are better than you. Learn from them!


2. Pick out associates whose behaviors are better than yours and you will drift in that direction. Have you ever told someone that you wish you could be as nice as him or her, or as patient, or as disciplined, or as caring and thoughtful, or as studious, or as thrifty? Well, the best way to emulate that person is to be around him or her so you can observe the behavior in real life application. To learn but not to do is not learning. To know but not to do is not knowing. Pick out those you admire and follow them around and watch how they behave. Learn from them!


3. Pick mentors who are considerably older and wiser than you are. As far as learning, there are two things in life that are very important. Education and Experience. Education requires hard work in a short period of time. Experience requires hard work in a long period of time. In most cases, anyone older than you has the tendency to know more because sometimes old dogs know all the tricks. I know each one of us has admirations to certain people. We look up and respect these people. Never underestimate the older and wise people in your life. As they would say back in the olden days, “Respect your elders.” My personal rule of thumb is, if you’re older than me – it doesn’t matter if you’re 50 years older, 20 years, 5 years, or even 6 months – I will always treat you with respect because I believe that you know better than me. Regardless of what everyone says, you’ve been on this planet Earth longer that I did. Therefore, I will learn from you!
   

We are who we associate with. Aim high in your associations and you will get to the top. Aim low and there’s no telling of how low you will go.

Nobody Likes to be Told What to Do

Several years ago, someone told me this...

"You never tell people what to do yet you make them do what needs to get done and they do it all the time. What are you doing to make them want to do things?"

I said, "Well, I really don't like to tell people what to do, I usually start by asking a question if they are capable of and if they are interested in doing the things that need to get done." Basically, that translates to, "We have to do a job, can you do it? If not, that's alright and I'll find someone else who can do it." As if I'm setting the bar and giving a higher expectation for anyone who is willing and able to do the job. Sounds like a challenge isn't it? It's not an order but the end result is similar, things will get done one way or another.

It got me wondering as to what I was doing because before writing this blog, I've been doing it unconsciously. I don't like telling people what to do. I ask, recommend, and suggest nicely. I didn't purposely said or acted like that, it was basically part of my mannerism ever since I was a little child. Part of my growing up behavior is to not tell people what to do because in reality, we are all providing a service... to God, to your family, to your neighbor, to your boss, to your employees, to homeless people, and so forth.

Am I being too nice? Am I not being direct and clear about what I need? Will people don't take me seriously? But then, once I heard someone said, "... you make them do what needs to get done and they do it all the time." Suddenly, I think I found out why I was able to motivate people to do what needs to get done.

3 ways to make someone do things by not telling them directly what to do:

1. Think in terms of his or her own interest - When I need something done, I make sure that they're getting something out of it too. Therefore, I'm not the only person getting the benefit from the job, but also the person willing to do the job. What's in it for them?
   
2. Ask and then suggest instead of giving direct orders - Let's be clear here, as a child - you didn't want to take orders from your parents, you probably went to the great lengths of crying to resist being told what to do. As an adult, you despise people who gave and are giving you direct orders without at least having your consent whether it be a business or personal matter. Try to illustrate the positive results to the things that you want to get done instead of giving direct orders. For example, in the business world - Instead of "I want sales production to increase", it should be - "If sales production increase, it will make me happy and I will be able to give big bonuses on Christmas." This way, the workers realize that the increase in sales will make for a happy manager and bigger bonuses.
   
3. Induce them to come up with an idea rather than telling them your idea - By doing this, you're not giving orders, but you're getting ideas from people so that they will eventually take ownership and pride to what needs to get done. They set the bar higher than you can for themselves, as if you've silently laid down a higher expectation from them. They know this and they're willing to do what needs to get done since it's their idea. When it's their idea, they are more willing to act on it with pride and conviction to get it done. Think about it. Assume your boss said, "Hey John, finish the excel report by Tuesday, add graphs on it, and use blue and green color schemes for the graphs." How do you feel about that? Another, assume your boss said, "Hey John, It looks like the excel report needs to be done by Tuesday. Do you know the best way to create this report? I'm relying on your expertise to do this." You see the difference? The first one is giving a direct order and the second is encouraging you to take actions, use your creativity, and use your knowledge. When it becomes your idea to complete the task, you will want to finish it because now it's your own task.
   

Here are some example of Direct Order vs. Suggestion by Questioning:

• Direct Order: "I want that done by Monday."
  
• Suggestion: "It would be great if we could make that job done by Monday, do you think you can come up with a way to do that?"

• Direct Order: "Slow down, you're driving too fast."
• Suggestion: "You know the roads are rather slick, do you think that if we slow down that that would make it safer?"

• Direct Order: "This is not the way to do it."
• Suggestion: "Can you think of a better way to do that?"

• Direct Order: "I want you to do it this way."
• Suggestion: "Do you think if we did it this way, it would turn out better?"

• Direct Order: "When we go to the zoo, I want you stay by my side."
• Suggestion: "When we go to the zoo, can you think of reasons why you should stay by my side?"

Let me guess... you don't like to take orders. You probably prefer the suggestions from the above. Don't worry, it's just our natural tendency as human beings. Remember that we all want to be heard, that our ideas are important, and that we are important. This is why when you come up with your own ideas, you tend to take pride on it. Isn't that so much better than being told what to do? Coming up with your own solutions to problems and your own creative ways to fix things?

Let me give you an example I've had back when I was in 6th Grade.

My friends and I played basketball when we were 12 years old. We played almost every day after school at the park. One of my friends like to "tell" our teammates who to play good defense. We all knew that he is good and he knows the best way to do things but many don't listen and simply resist him. Regardless of his effort, they undermined his capabilities overall.

One day he said, "Mike, here's what I want you to tell him..." I replied, "You are better than I am, why don't you tell them?" He replied with a grin in his face as if he was about to tell me a good joke, "They listen to you for some reason, even when you have no clue on what you're doing sometimes." I laughed and said, "Sure, what is it?"

Then he proceeded to tell me how to play good defense and so forth. I then relayed that message to the person who needed to learn how to defend an offensive player. I started by praising his ability to play good defense, I said, "Dude, If it wasn't for you last night, we could possibly have lost the game. Although, there were some open jump shots that you could have tried to alter by challenging them, or perhaps even block them! Do you think you could have done something to play better defense?" He replied immediately, "Oh, thanks! I knew I could have done better, you're right. I really tried but people just said I wasn't trying. I have to work on my defense a little bit though."

In this case, I realized that I didn't really tell him what to do - I just pointed out an issue and then by asking him what he can do about it. I also acknowledged his positive contribution to the team. So, he improved within a couple of weeks and guess what? He became our primary defender. He was the best at it too because he would guard the best player on the opposing team.

I never told him that he needed to improve on his defense. In a friendly way, I just merely asked him a question and suggested to play a better defense. Yet, he followed through and practiced to improve his defensive prowess.

To this day, when I need something done, I make sure that the group of people doing the task are getting something out of it too not just because it's what "I" need to get done. Giving direct orders may work in military environment but in a civilian society, it rarely does. Go out in public and try telling people what to do without their consent and see what happens. We don't want to be told what to do but we take ownership with our own ideas; we take actions with conviction and purpose when it's our ideas. We're motivated and driven!

So, I learned that If I need something done, I always suggest by asking questions and not giving direct orders. If it worked for Benjamin Franklin, Henry Ford, Dale Carnegie, Charles Schwab, and Warren Buffett, then it would definitely work for you and I.

If All Living Things Grow, You Will Too

All that is living must grow. That includes us. You and I need to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting about what it means to be growing up. I understand that no matter the age, we are constantly learning and growing. Elderly folks have taught me to think positively, to not complain nor blame my circumstances, to take responsibility for my own actions and their consequences.

Simply put, they taught me to be proactive. I went down memory lanes - went though my personal childhood and adulthood struggles, which are both essential to my well-being today. They are the very foundation of my attitude. They act as reminders for when I am going through life's challenges.

The attitude of, “I’ve been through worse,” or “my problems are miniscule compared to others”, and eventually leading to, “I can get through or around this and I will do so.” Going through life's adversities, I now see challenges and problems as opportunities for constant growth.

As I thought of what it means to be growing up, the following questions came up to my mind:

• Who was I before?
• Who am I now?
• Who will I be?

How about you? Try answering these questions. As adults, it is our responsibility to have a vision, to have goals, no matter how big or small. We must be able to see the end to our current and future ventures to make them meaningful.

I answered these questions by way of quiet reflection. Then I came to a realization that the very foundation of self-ackowledgement was based on social acceptance and public image – behaving in a way that is in alignment with the expectations of my peers, culture, and the acceptable norms.

When we think of our upbringing and development, we think about “us”, the “number 1”. Why? Because for some people, being independent is considered to be the pinnacle of personal achievement. Independence is great but the fact is that we live in an interdependent reality. As I tried to answer the questions I mentioned above, I thought of not only what I’ve done for myself but also all my interactions with people in the past, today, and what it will be in the future.

Lately, I’ve been thinking of the principles that our grandparents thought us. It is our character that defines us not the acted-upon behaviors and attitude that polish our personality. Characters like integrity, industry, humility, justice, temperance, fidelity, courage, simplicity, modesty, and the golden rule are the foundation to effective living. The challenge lies in the balance of having to maintain a positive personality that is in congruency with our character.

I know what I’ve been through and how it has made an impact to affect the person I am now. But the exciting part is the person who I will be is really up to me. No matter the failures and successes, challenges and opportunities, struggles and victories - I still am not the person who I will become someday. As long as I am living, I will continually grow.

3 Ways to Making a Difference for Yourself and Others

Deep inside, you want to be inspired. You know that you are capable of doing more but you need a reason and motivation. You like to be recognized and respected for your efforts. You aspire to be the positive change to the people you love and care.

When you feel inspired, you feel a sense of worthiness. All of a sudden, you have focused goals, future visions, and a calling – all driven by your aspirations.

Here are 3 Ways to Making a Difference for Yourself and Others:

1. Selective Listening – Noise is all over the place: at your work, home, and everywhere else. Don’t you just wish you could mute the things you don’t want to hear? Most leaders do. They simply muted the distracting noises. It is the ability to actively and purposely choose certain voices. Select the people you want to associate – those you believe will have a voice in your life. Find people who challenge you, people who eventually equip you with tools you need to influence. Who are you listening to? Are they contributing to the noise or are they moving you forward with solid advice and insight?


2. Active Reflection – We live in a fast-paced and instantaneous world. Information is everywhere. Our targets are constantly moving and our problems have never been so complex. Sometimes, you have to stop long enough to actively absorb and process incoming information. There is an outspoken need for innovation, creativity, and powerful processing to produce a yield that is measureable. All of these take time – and they demand reflection. Take time to read and reflect.


3. Cultivating Care – The act of empathy has never been so underestimated in our cut-throat society. To empathize is to get outside of our boundaries to reach out to people where they are. Simply put, we try to understand another person and their experiences from within their frame of reference instead of our own. We experience empathy through personal brokenness as well. We also experience empathy by spending time with others who are in dire need of help, who are deeply hurting, learning how to consider others more important than ourselves, making time to tap into our personal narrative, and realizing that every person we encounter has a worthwhile story to share.

The combination of listening, reflecting, and caring is an every day practice to self-improvement. Next time you meet someone, always show that you are willing to listen, that you are willing to reflect on circumstances from their frame of reference, and finally - be sincere about it all.

What She Really Wants for Mother's Day

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” – Anonymous

I know most of you are trying hard to give something important to your mom to make her happy on Mother’s Day. The trick is that it has to come from you as a husband, son, or daughter.

So what is that single thing that counts the most as a Mother’s Day gift?

It’s more of you.

I know most men would probably roll their eyes on this one, including myself. However, we must understand that her heart functions differently than ours. She thinks differently and worries about that most of us don’t. Mothers make sure at the end of that day that everyone’s sleeping well.

Back to my answer: She needs more of you. So, what to give your mother? Simple. She needs you for an entire day to listen to her. When mothers speak while their loved ones listen, it makes them feel loved. Don’t argue nor interrupt her. Don’t give her your opinion unless she asks for it. On mother’s day, let her express whatever she wants to without your autobiographical mentality. This Sunday, it’s all about her and not yours. Just accept that. She deserves it more than you think.

More of you: Give her physical help. Cook breakfast, clean around the house; ask if she needs any special help. Remember, offer yourself on this very day and dedicate yourself to your mother. Let’s face it; you’re probably stronger than your mother. Husbands are physically stronger. Sons and daughters have more energy. Mom-life is physically and mentally exhausting. Come on, help out.

If you’re still skeptical about this very gift, let me tell you something – your mother wants you. Mothers want you to be crazy about them. Whether you’re a husband, a son, or a daughter – your mom wants you on this very special day so wrap yourself as a gift and give more of you.

Give it a try and see what happens on your birthday or Father’s day.

Emotional Bank: Punctuality

Do you have family members, relatives, and friends who like to be “fashionably late”? Yes, I’ve heard that being late is the new “cool” nowadays. Whether it’s your friend not showing up on time to meet you or how about those timely appointments in making sure you don’t wait in the lobby for a long time? Yeah right. You know what I’m talking about.

I am more curious as to why some people don’t mind being late or even worse, intend to be late. Even I am catching this plague wave – at least I’m constantly resisting it. Whoever said it’s fine to be late? Regardless of whether there is a rule or not towards punctuality, I believe it’s to our own benefit to be punctual. And here’s why.

Emotional Bank

There are two kinds of banks in our society: Financial Bank and Emotional Bank.

Financial bank is your typical bank where money is being deposited and withdrawn. It’s a place where you get a student loan, car loan, or home mortgage with interest rate payment. It’s also a place where make enough investment to make interest income. Some people’s goal is to make enough deposit that they live on their interest income. The currency in a financial bank is money.

Emotional bank, what is it? Look around you, every human being you interact with is an emotional bank. Your family, relatives, friends, and strangers are all emotional banks that you make deposits to and withdrawal from. In these kinds of bank, when you make deposits, you gain interest and when you make withdrawals, you pay interest.

There are thousands of currencies that you can deposit and withdraw from an emotional bank. Let’s look at one emotional currency in particular – punctuality.

Making deposits and withdrawals using Punctuality:

Depositing to an emotional bank means that:

• You show mastery – being on time consistently shows that you are the master of your life. It demonstrates foresight – your ability to predict possible hang-ups. It also shows your adaptability – ability to change your plans to accommodate those hang-ups.


• You show competence – Over and over, you show that you are a master of your time and will be taken seriously in areas far removed from time management. That foresight and adaptability that gets you where you need to be, when you need to be there, tells the people around you that you can handle whatever is thrown at you.


• You show integrity – punctuality is also a trust issue. When you make appointment, you are making a commitment to be where you said you’d be when and said you’d be there. The best way to build up other people’s trust in you is by consistently meeting your commitments.
  


• You value people – people are busy, too busy to be waiting on your while their other work goes unfinished. Being punctual shows, clearly and truly, that you value their time and, by extension, that you value them as a person.


• You value yourself – Finally, being on time shows you value your time – and yourself. Being repeatedly late is a self-destructive behavior. Everyone knows that most self-destructive behavior follows from low self-esteem.

Withdrawing from an emotional bank means that:

• You show no mastery – that you are incapable of anticipating possible problems and either dealing with them or altering your course to avoid them. It sends the message that you’re harassed by time, not in control of it.


• You show no competence – conversely, people assume that if the chronically late person can’t even consider the possibility of a little extra traffic, he or she won’t be able to consider other obstacles that might stand in the way of getting a project or task done.


• You show no integrity - You said you’d be here at 9 o’clock but you’re not here; if your word isn’t good enough about something as trivial as showing up on time, how can you word be any good about anything more important?


• You show no value in people – “But I’m always on time for the things that are important.” The message this sends is that, when I’m late, it’s because I really don’t feel that whatever I’m late for is all that important. How about the “big entrance”, the “fashionably late” that I mentioned earlier? Let’s face it – showing off your importance by having other people sit and wait on you clearly says, “You’re not important to me.” And everyone knows the solution – don’t show up, or wait until the moment’s just right, and stab that high-and-mighty loser in the back. If you like to make the grand entrance, don’t worry – someday soon you’ll make a grand entrance to an empty room.
  


• You show no value in yourself – Being late demonstrates that you’re interruptible, that your work in never as high a priority as whatever trivial thing comes along and that you’re unwilling to set priorities in your own life. In that case, why should anyone else care about your time? Why shouldn’t they interrupt you whenever they feel like it, dump meaningless busy-work on you, or dismiss you entirely?
  
  

Remember the next time you make a promise to a family member, relative, or a friend, as trivial as “I’ll be there at 6 o’clock” or other important commitments and depending on whether you fulfill them or not, you are either making a deposit or withdrawal from an emotional bank.

If you want to be wealthy in people’s heart and mind, consider making small deposits every now and then so that someday, you’ll enjoy the interest of your hard-earned investment from your emotional banks.

Leaders and Managers - The Same or Not?

In the corporate world, those who work hard with initiative, integrity, and pride often get promoted to become a manager or a leader.

But what's the difference between a manager and a leader?

If you are a manager, you are responsible for controlling "things". If you're a leader, you live by universal and timeless principle that never change. As a leader, you have moral authority - you focus more on "people" rather than things.

There is a never-ending debate in the manager vs. leader topic. I say there's no need to debate about it. A manager who cannot lead will run out of steam while a leader who cannot manage will run out of functions.

To briefly summarize:

• Managers - control things (technical - deadlines, action items, etc.)
  
• Leaders - influence people (behavioral - empowerment, support, etc.)
  
  

Each and everyone of us should strive to be a leader, whether it's a given position or not. Mahatma Gandhi was a leader yet he held no formal authority - no position. Really, what I'm trying to suggest is that if you want to be an effective individual, you need to focus on controlling things by influencing people.

By controlling things, I don't mean that you act like Hitler, I mean that you direct resources responsibly with due diligence to complete predetermined goals or projects. And by influencing people, I don't mean that you take advantage or be manipulative, I mean that you treat them fairly because the only way to make them do anything is if they want to. Believe it.

Should you be a manager and a leader at the same time? Whether at work, home, or at a social function - the answer is yes. As a managing leader or a leading manager, you are now responsible for controlling "things" by influencing "people". Handling technical issues is important but handling people issues is even more important. You know what things that need to get done - now go and influence those who need to get things done.

Goals don't delay deadlines nor complete themselves - people do.