Effective Ways to Treat People

I once led a group of over 30 individuals for almost a year and for some divine reasons, I purposely took the big role.

Some were strong-minded and some were modest, some were aggressive and some were passive. Some were very smart, and some are okay. But almost everyone had an opinion.

Our success depended on each and every one of us. When one failed, everyone failed. Needless to say, there had to be a collaborate effort in making sure our visions were aligned.

This brought about a very challenging task for me – how to treat each one of them uniquely.

People think, act, and behave differently depending on their culture and upbringing. Over time, I learned to shift my paradigm of thinking based on the person I am talking to. I adjusted my way of thinking to align with the values and interests of the person I am having interaction.

I learned a lot from this experience. I used to talk a lot, I always had an opinion. I believed I was right most of time. I always proved and defended myself. And worst, I didn't listen. But after interacting with these 30 individuals on a daily basis for a year, it changed some of my perspectives.

Here are some of the important lessons I learned on how to treat people effectively. In my experience, these have been proven to be very effective in not only influencing people and making a positive impact on their lives but also to align a team's vision to accomplish a challenging goal:

• Smile.
  
• Be genuinely interested in other person.
  
• Be honest and sincere in your appreciation.
  
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  
• Be a good listener.
  
• Encourage people to talk about themselves.
  
• Remember their names.
  
• Make them feel important and do it sincerely.
  
• Talk in terms of their interests.

To this date, I still treat people this way. It took some self-disciplining to shut my mouth and control the little voice in my head. I listened first and tried to be understanding – knowing that part of maturity is being able to delay pleasure and make sacrifices today. Every day is an opportunity to make a change in yourself and other people’s lives.

Tomorrow, start by treating people well.

When You Feel Down and Losing Confidence

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not." - Anonymous

Have you ever thought to yourself that you're not good enough? That you don't have what it takes? And that everyone else is better than you? Well, let me give you some comfort. You're not alone. Look all around you. Every single human being, including myself, that you see felt the same way. And if they haven't, they will.

Really, it doesn't matter whether you think someone else knows more than you, more athletic than you, or looks better than you. It is what you make of yourself.

Other people focused on being knowledgeable. Others focused on training day after day since they were young to become a professional athlete. Others studied numbers to become a prominent accountant. Others read books night after night to become a lawyer. Others focused on giving back to the community. What they all have in common is their complete desire and intensity to become who they want to be.

What about you, have you decided who you want to be? You don't have to be that person who you think is better than you in every aspect. Just be the best person you are capable of becoming because you are all that you got.

There is something about you that no one else have. You have to focus in seeing and believing in yourself instead of thinking of the expectations of other people about you. Besides, you can't read other people's mind. So, don't even waste your time guessing and allowing those certain "voices" to contaminate your head.

Self-Confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared. What you see of yourself is what others see of you because perception is reality. The more confidence you have, the more likely that you will succeed.

"But Mike, I need help and I don't know what to do and no one will help me!"

One of my favorite quotes has always been, "God helps those who help themselves." If you want others to help you, you must help yourself first. Most of the time, you will solve your own problems if you only try really hard instead of relying on other people to help you. You are helpless only if you choose to be.

However, If you need additional help, here are some of my simple advice that you can apply immediately to start feeling more confident tomorrow and for the rest of your life:

• Dress Appropriately - No one is more conscious of your appearance than yourself so make yourself feel better by dressing for the occasion. If you are going to a formal party, don't dress up like a rock star. If you're going to a concert, don't look like you're a CEO. You get my point.
  


• Walk Faster - Yes, walk faster, really. One of the easiest ways to tell how people feel about themselves is to observe the way they walk. Do they look slow? tired? painful? or more energetic with drive and purpose? People with confidence walk fast because they need to get somewhere, need to get it done, and they have people to see.



• Good Posture - People with slumped shoulders and feeling lethargic display lack of self-confidence. You have to look and feel enthusiastic. Be alert and empowered.



• Read/Listen/Watch Motivational Speeches - You will be inspired because as Plato once said, "Be kind for someone else is fighting a harder battle." It's the small things that will light up that burning flames within yourself.



• Gratitude - When you focus too much on what you need, your head will always come up with reasons why you can't have those needs. Be thankful instead. Treat every day as a Thanksgiving Day.



• Compliment Other People - When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that same feeling on to others in the form of insult, critic, and gossip. Look for the best in others so you indirectly bring out the best in yourself (Isn't that what "best" friends are for?).



• Focus on Contribution - Too often, we get caught up on our own desires. You have to also focus on the needs of others. The more you contribute to others, the more you will be rewarded with personal success and recognition.
  

Just remember, when you are feeling down and losing confidence, that you are not alone. No one is more responsible for your actions than yourself.

The help you need starts from within.

Why I Love the Whole Karaoke Thing

“Always keep a song in your heart; it’s like karaoke for the voices in your head.” - Robert Fulton Abernethy

Most of you know the whole Karaoke thing. If you are like me, always curious about how “things” started, then you probably want to find out how karaoke came about. Formally, they call that history. Well, here is a quick history about Karaoke.

Karaoke is a Japanese word (Kara-oke). Kara means empty and Oketsutora means orchestra. Karaoke means an empty orchestra. Basically, you hear the music without the vocals.

In the 60s, The American TV network, NBC had a karaoke-like series. It was called Sing Along with Mitch. The primary difference between “Sing Along” and “Karaoke” is the lack of lead vocals. In Karaoke, you are the lead vocalist.

Japanese musician, Daisuke Inoue, invented the notion of karaoke. When he would miss an event at a dinner or a party, he would provide a recording of his performance. People would sing along to this performance. This karaoke music was recorded on cassette tapes resulting in the development of “Minus-One Music.” To this date, I still remember those three words ingrained not only in my mind, but probably in my soul too.

Karaoke is popular in Asian countries like Japan, Philippines, Korea, and Taiwan. In 1990s, the concept of karaoke entertainment entered the market in United States and Canada without any success until recently. Now, you may find that there is a karaoke setup at your nearest bar on certain days. That is what I have been noticing from my town, and even around the country while looking up on my Facebook friends’ statuses. It seems that the typical background music at your favorite restaurants is being replaced by not only the enjoyment of listening to music, but the ability to sing and dance to it! Besides, if you’re more of an observer, you may also indulge in just watching people singing and dancing – it gets even better when certain beverages are involved.

I was 5 years old and living in Manila, Philippines when I was exposed to karaoke. It may possibly be the biggest contributor to my passion for music, although my father was a professional piano player performing in the Philippines and other Asian countries – so genetics may also be a factor.

Karaoke has always been a big part of the Filipino culture, at least from what I can remember. I may have called it our “National Sport” at one time because you can’t go to any party in the Philippines without expecting a karaoke in the middle of it all. Although I was around this whole karaoke thing since I was 5 years old, I never really sang a song until I was 16 years old but like most, I enjoyed music.

These days, I’m enjoying singing and dancing to karaoke with friends. We go out to restaurants and bars. But recently, good friends of mine bought a karaoke system to use at home. This really hit the home run. I’m back to when I was 5 years old!

A few months ago, close friends of mine have been enjoying this whole karaoke thing at our favorite bars and restaurants. Karaoke was the weekend vacation from a tiring work week. It is something to look forward to. In our circle of friends, we have some who sing and some who don’t. We have many who like to dance while some prefer to watch it all. But regardless of their preference, everyone enjoyed the karaoke atmosphere, as if it is the closest thing to a live music event they will ever get.

Whether you do or don’t like to dance, sing, or even the concept of karaoke – Based from my own observations and experience, I can attest that you like listening to music. Why? Music touches your spirit and soul that allows your mind to freely wander and your heart to beat to its own rhythm.

You may be into metal, hard rock, classic rock, pop, punk rock, polka, country, indie alternative, disco, trance, rap, hip-hop, house, or gospel – it really doesn’t matter because ultimately, music affects your sensation and feelings. Without music, “life would be a mistake.”

Good Conversation, Bad Conversation

“A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations: due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.” – Truman Capote

Conversation is an exchange of thoughts, feeling, and ideas between two or more people.

Conversations happen every day. You greet a stranger in the morning, you talk to your boss, co-workers, or employees, you attend a meeting at work, and you meet a friend at a store. The interaction requires you to communicate.

What differentiate from a good conversation to a bad conversation? Autobiographical Mentality

Talking in Autobiography

Were you in a situation when you feel like the person you are talking to seems to have no interest in what you have to say? Do you start a conversation with “My” or “I”, or anything about you and your life, after you initially greet someone?

If you answered “yes” to both questions, there is a high possibility that you are speaking in autobiographical mode.

In order to be an effective speaker, your listener must be genuinely interested in what you have to say. Otherwise, words that come out your mouth may be going from one ear and out the other. Or as Ke$ha would say, “Blah, blah, blah!”

But how do you know if your listeners are being genuine?

Well, people usually will ask you a question or make you share something for them to listen to because they are genuinely interested in what you have to say. Hold your urge to share something “you” find interesting and important because you may be surprised that the person next to you could care less about your opinion, or about your vacation, or how bad or good your day went.

You may be thinking and saying this while you read this article, “Wait a sec. I’m just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experience!”

There are times when speaking in autobiographical mode is appropriate. It is when they ask for your opinion, point-of-view, help, or when there is a high level of trust in the relationship.

Listening in Autobiography

Are you constantly formulating what you are going to say while someone is talking to you? Are you judging someone without knowing what the reasons maybe to what you are hearing?

If you answered “yes” to both questions, there is a high possibility that you are listening in autographical mode.

If order to be an effective listener, you must hold your burning desire to judge what others are meaning to say before they are even done speaking. Don’t presume that what you hear is, “Blah, blah, blah!”

But how do you know when you are listening in autobiographical mode?

Really, there are 4 things that we are probably doing as a listener and as we respond. Instead of fully hearing and understanding a speaker from their point-of-view, we tend to do the following:

• Evaluate - judging to either agree or disagree.
• Probe - asking questions from your own frame of reference.
• Advice - giving unsolicited counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
• Interpret - analyzing others' motives and behaviors based on your own experience.
  

Remember that if you want to have an open and interesting conversation with someone, you must be genuine in your intent to listen and in seeking to understand the person talking to you.

The Self-Discipline Challenge

"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." - Thomas Jefferson

Or if humorous quotes are your forte:

"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end." - Margaret Thatcher

Did you ever commit to doing something but end up quitting because of the seemingly obvious indications in the decline on your progress? Or the feeling that you are not going anywhere?

At some point in your life, you may have felt the following:

• School is too hard and I am getting bad grades.
  
• Work is stressing me out and no one appreciates me.
  
• I try to lose weight but have seen no result.
  
• I keep putting off things that I need to get done around the house.
  
• I need to create a presentation for next week but I haven't started on it.
  
• I should be making that phone call soon.

Well, you are not alone.

I am not going to talk about motivation. I am going to talk about something that I believe is a far more important recipe to achieving your goals - discipline. All that discipline asks of you is your patience.

When you commit to doing something, there is usually a timeline and an action plan as to how you are going to complete it. You may have written them down, or you may have just made a mental note about it.

For example, you may have scheduled a vacation with the family months in advance and you cancel it a week for the event? Or you may have promised a friend to watch a movie tomorrow but ended up cancelling it an hour before the show?

Outside of legitimate excuses, the point is to try your best in completing these kinds of commitment. The shorter the timeline of the commitment, the easier it is to complete. The longer the timeline of the commitment, the hard it is to complete.

What I suggest is that you challenge yourself. Find out if you can achieve your commitments. Set a commitment today and don't worry about the progress until you are completely done. More often than not, you will be surprised to find pleasing results.

Build a mental habit that will help you get things done.

Worry, Why?

“Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.” - Anonymous

Why do you worry? What makes you worry? Who makes you worry?

Let us explore this topic.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, worry is a "mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated." I would agree with this definition.

In order to understand what makes you worry, you must look into what is making you feel and act the way you do. And who is responsible for making you worry? You.

When we speak of our emotions and actions, it is inevitable not to mention the source of it all - the brain. To some degree, environmental influences are responsible for our "reactions" but our "pro-actions" are produced by our own ability to respond to environmental stimuli.

The Brain

Our brain is a very powerful organ. It is literally responsible for our physical reactions, both inward and outward. Brain produces over 100,000 chemical reactions every second. Yes, every second.

Here’s another cool fact that relates to the brain’s natural signals. MRI scans have shown that when you spend money with cash instead of your card, the brain signals a pain. Yes, it’s painful to spend $20 in cash than $20 with your debit card. That’s the beauty of our brain. Although your brain may seem affected by outside influences, it’s up to you to produce certain chemicals that your body will react to.

Would you believe me if I said that you are your own chemist? Your brain produces various chemicals. These drugs are associated with memory, intelligence, but most are sedatives.

We Are All on Drugs

Here are a few drugs that your brain produces, which are certainly familiar to most of you: Endorphin is the brain’s painkiller and it is 3 times more potent than morphine. Yes, you create the most powerful sedative in existence right from your brain. Dopamine – makes you hyper active, talkative, and excitable. Serotonin – makes you feel happy, which also helps keep your moods under control by helping with sleep, calming anxiety, and relieving depression.

Mind, Body, and Soul

Our body readjusts to our way of thinking. For example, let’s talk about depression. Depression begins with a disturbance in the part of the brain that governs our moods. Most people can handle every day stresses. When stress is too great for a person and his or her adjustment mechanism is unresponsive, depression may be triggered. Remember, stress is when the demands far exceed your exhausted resources.

Needless to say, our brain has a lot to do with our worrying. Worrying is responsible for what is eating you from the inside not from the outside. When your life gets too busy, never forget to allocate some time to reflect. However, if your problems persist, here are several tips to help you.

Here is what Aristotle had to say about analyzing your problems:

1. Get the facts - most of your worries are caused by you trying to make decisions before you have sufficient knowledge on which to base your decisions.
2. After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
3. Once you reached your decision, act on it. Get busy carrying out your decision.

And if you start to worry again, write down the answers to these questions:

1. What is the problem?
2. What is the cause of the problem?
3. What are all possible solutions?
4. What is the best solution?

If you’re worrying today, you may also want to ask these questions to yourself:

• Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about the future?
• Do I sometimes make bitter of the present by regretting things that happened in the past - that are over and done with?
• When shall I start to do this? Next week? Tomorrow? Today?

Do something about your worries instead of worrying about it day after day:

• What am I worrying about?
• What can I do about it?
• Here is what I am going to do about it.
• When am I going to start doing it?
  
  

Remember that you are a “response-able” individual. You are in charge for creating your own drugs. Being able to respond is an ultimate freedom that cannot be taken away from you.

Control your worries before they control you.

Attitude that Persists through Generations

Yesterday was full of inspirations and motivations.

My mother and I were apart for this year's Easter celebration, the resurrection of Jesus. She was in San Francisco with friends and relatives and I was in Bakersfield, spending time with good company. My mother and I were talking on the phone early Sunday. We were physically separated but near and dear at heart and mind.

I attended an Easter service at Riverwalk at the Park. The service was hosted by Riverlakes Community Church where there were thousands in attendance. The service lasted for an hour. It was filled with children's choir, a talented band, and a motivational sermon.

After the service, I went to Panera Bread, bought lunch, and brought it back to the park where hundreds of people were in attendance. Children were mindlessly running around and playing while their parents and relatives were serving barbeque lunches. There, I ate my lunch and read my book for about two hours.

Afterwards, I went to my friends' house where they celebrated Easter with the family and friends. I was fortunate enough to be a part of their friends. To me, they are family and I'm sure the relationship is mutual. Family and friends are great sources of support. In the past, I've had great opportunities to be receiving good advices from successful and elderly people, both accounts for the theoretical and experiential knowledge.

I admire elderly people. They are filled with wisdom and timeless experiences. There is so much to learn from them. One particular person in attendance at my friend's house was "Granny". She is my friend's grandmother. She is 93 years old. She is very outgoing, open-minded, and constantly having a conversation with anyone and everyone. It didn't matter if you were 5, 21, 42, or 65 years old, she will keep up with a good conversation.

The first time I saw her, I instantly found someone who truly deserved adulation without a doubt. Growing up as a child, I have spent many years enjoying stories and simple advices from older folks like Granny. Their advices are timeless. They are driven by simple, basic principles, and priceless values.

One of the best characteristics that I have noticed from Granny was her genuine positive attitude. If there is one thing to learn from her, it was her attitude. Just as she clearly emanates, maybe we can eliminate our worries, enjoy our lives, and promote an overall healthy well-being if we carry on the same attitude.

Both Jesus' resurrection and Granny's positive attitudes are impressions that last towards generations to come.

At the conclusion of the Easter celebration, as we walked Granny out to her car, she turned around and said to us, "There is nothing you can do that I can't do." Now, that's the spirit. That's an attitude that persists through generations to come.

4 Good Investments I Made in the Past

No, I'm not talking about mutual funds, stocks, bonds, retirement funds, or Roth IRA - I'm talking about those occasional big expending that we all make. Yeah, those things.

We've all heard of ROI - Return On Investment. Technically speaking, ROI is basically a performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or to compare the efficiency of a number of different investments. In a simplistic term, "Are the things we bought worth it?"

Here are 4 good investments I've made in the past (not in particular order):

1. iPhone ($199.99). At first, I was a non-believer. I believed that I didn't need those "silly apps" they have on smartphones. I mean what a waste of time, right? I was wrong. Yes, there are apps, which I considered to be non-productive. And by non-productive, I mean apps that don't add value to my well-being, knowledge, and personal growth. As I was browsing through the Apple Store, the one category that I saw was "Productivity." DING! All of a sudden, it was like a revelation. So, I thought of productive applications. I don't play games on iPhone. I'm not picking on you, iPhone gamers, I just don't play video games, anymore. Don't get me wrong, I was a big gamer and I can probably still beat you in any game. That was a bold statement, I know.
   
   Here is the list of apps I like on my iPhone, which I find to be super productive in my own ways (These are all "free" by the way - that's my Personal Finance junkie in me. I'm frugal):
   
   
   • Free RSS Reader - I used to come home after work and read blogs from people I like. Most of these guys are managers, leaders, finance experts, and friends. With iPhone and when I'm alone, I can now read their articles on my leisure time (at the park, fast food, etc.)
     
   • Yahoo! Sportacular - Solely to follow my favorite NBA team, Lakers.
   • MyFitnessPal - To track my bad eating habits...
   • Ace Budget Lite - My monthly budget application. I no longer get on my personal computer to track my income and expenses on excel. I can do it mobile style.
   • Debt Free Lite - Tracking my debt. This app is great. It shows the amortization and it can send quick reports of all your debt information to your email in 2 button taps.
   • DailyPsalms - Proverbs and Psalms give me inspirations and guidance. I read different one each day in case I forget my roots.
     
   • Notes - Ever had one of those days when ideas, good or not, provoking or non-sense, pop-up on your head? Yeah, I capture mine on this application. Then, I try to write about them later on so I can have a copy on paper or electronically. We all thought of great ideas before, but they're only ideas that go away and forgotten when you don't write them down.
     
   • Facebook - Need I explain? I thought so.
     
     I now spend less time on my personal computer. I thought about selling it since I don't need it anymore.
     
     
2. Road Bicycle ($485.00). Really, this is super cheap compared to some of the prices of road bicycles. A co-worker has a $3,000+ bike, and another co-worker has one at $5,000+. See what I mean? There are many benefits to having a bicycle though. For me, it was the combination of having fun, being able to see places I normally don't see when I'm driving my car, and the exercise aspect of it. I normally get on the bike path, going at 12-18 MPH speed, and usually go 2-3 times a week between 10-30 miles each ride. I go for a short distance on weekdays because of work but I try to go for further distance ride on weekends. I also like to randomly bike around Bakersfield metropolitan and hope I don't end up in the "hood". Riding has been super fun!
3. Acoustic Guitar ($550.00). I've had this acoustic guitar for over 5 years now. By far the best investment for me. I play it every day. And sometimes, it serves as my spiritual and therapeutic means. I don't see myself living in a house without an acoustic guitar. Probably not going to happen in my lifetime.
4. Amazon's Kindle ($189.00). A really good friend of mine introduced me to this awesome e-reader. Now, It's so convenient to read books (via e-books). I no longer go to a bookstore. Don't get me wrong. I still like the hardcover, paperback books. I have a lot of them. But I am not able to bring 100 books at once to the park. I often re-read books and review certain chapters. The downside is that, I maybe spending excessive time reading. Books cost money. I'm willing to invest in books though. I just had to adjust my monthly budget and cut-off other expenses. "Books" is actually a category on my budget now. It used to be included in the "Blow" category of my budget.
   

I know I've made other investments worthy of mention but these 4 on the list provide the highest return by far. How about you, what are some of the worthy investments you've made in the past?

For fun: Did you know that a buying New Car is probably one the worst investments you can or will make, financially speaking? I will explain this to you on a future blog. I'm kinda burned out right now. My brain hurts!

Tomorrow's Best Leaders are Today's Great Followers

The moment you embrace the fact that you are a follower, you instill that characteristic of a great leader in yourself.

Do not accept that you know everything, that you don't need other people's advice, and that you can survive on your own. You need other people, preferably those who inspire you.

Most of us look up to people who inspire us. We are inspired by people's character, behavior, and attitude. Characteristics like integrity, honesty, diligence, hard work, sincerity, patience, and more. Aspirations are responsible for the creation of our ladder to success. We are driven by these influential people.

Essentially, you mimic those people who inspire you. You are a follower. A follower of successful and inspirational people.

Deep inside, we are all leaders in our own way. If you want to be a great leader someday, you must first become a great follower today.

Let me show you examples of great followers who eventually became influential leaders:

• Joshua followed Moses for more than 40 years before leading the children of Israel into the promise land.
• Elisha followed Elijah for ten years before taking up his master's mantle and went on to perform even more miracles.
• The Apostle Peter followed Jesus for three years, and made a lot of mistakes, before he and his fellow disciples turned the world upside down.
  
  

Most of history's worst leaders never learned to follow. They became tyrants and assured the lives of their own followers to be miserable.

Here are 5 characteristics of great followers:

1. They are clear. They understand their role. You can't be a good follower if you can't identify your leader. While you may believe you are a leader in your own terms, everyone has a boss - including yourself. Great followers accept and embrace this fact.
2. They are obedient. Obedience seems politically incorrect but it is essential for organization's effectiveness. You can't give order if you can't obey them yourself. You must be willing and able to do what you ask your followers to do. That is how great leaders model their standards.
3. They are servants. Great followers are observant. They know what needs to be done and always help the leader accomplish his or her goals. They do it joyfully without complaints
4. They are humble. Great followers know that it's not about them. They shine the light on the leader. They assure their boss looks good, especially in front of his or her boss.
5. They are loyal. Great followers never speak ill of their boss in public. This does not mean you can't disagree or criticize. It simply means you don't do it in public. Great followers understand that public loyalty leads to private influence.

As followers, we can have great influence when we give kindness and respect to our leaders. If you want to be a great leader someday, ask yourself, "How can I be a better follower?" or "How can I make my boss more successful?"

Happy Earth Day

Earth Day is about protecting and preserving our mother Earth. If nothing else, you can start by cleaning your yard and sidewalk. Revolution begins at home.

Pie Mentality - What is It?

Pie mentality is about your attitude. An attitude towards yourself and others. And your overall outlook in life.

So, I have been pondering why some people get caught up on little things and why some people just seem to not care. Do you care too much or do you not care at all?

Let's look into your behavior and understand why you may be acting the way you do.

You know when your friends say, "Oh man, you gonna let him talk to you like that?" or "Don't even worry and forget about him." The prior encourages you to take action and the latter encourages you to stray away from potential conflict.

I know some of you are compelled to act aggressively or submissively, depending on the situation. But for the most part, are you one who confronts a conflict or avoids it? Your answer will depend on your upbringing and your attitude - your "pie mentality."

Why pie? Pie is delicious. Pie is good. And it's better than cake. But how about everyone else, can they have pie too? That answer depends on you. Are you willing to share that pie?

Follow me here. Let's talk about "Scarcity" and "Abundance" mentality. Either there is a scarcity in pie or abundance of it.

Scarcity means there's not enough pie. Abundance means there's a crap load it. But how do they relate to or affect your attitude? Think about it. When you think there's not enough pie to go around, you become greedy. When you think there's a crap load of it, you give.

Pie Mentality = Give/Greed. We're not only talking about the tangibles here. We're not talking about you giving gifts or not giving gifts. We are talking about your "mentality" and "attitude." towards your environment.

Greedy mentality, greedy attitude. Giving mentality, giving attitude.

If you truly believe that there is enough pie to go around for everyone, you would have such a great attitude towards yourself and others. If you believe that pie will run out, you would have such a bad attitude towards yourself and others. Remember that kid who won't share toys with you?

Try this pie mentality today. Watch your attitude towards those people who are maybe having fun. Do you talk bad things about them on their back? And do you think that some people don't deserve some things they are getting? If you find yourself being jealous, ask yourself this, "Why I do think they don't deserve those things?" The things I'm talking about is the pie.

Think pie mentality. Greed/Give. Enough to go around or not enough to go around. This pie mentality also relates to the win-win behavior - ability to see things in a cooperative manner, not in a win/lose or lose/win arena.

Just because someone else got a piece of pie doesn't mean you can't have one. And just because you got a piece of pie doesn't mean you can't share.

"If you have much, give of your wealth; If you have little, give of your heart." - Arab Proverb.

What is Maturity?

As a kid, my dad once said, "If you don't quit acting immature, I won't be able to help you." At first, I thought he was looking out for himself and that he didn't want to deal with me. Later on I found that he was simply telling me to act in a way that shows I'm willing to cooperate.

So, what is maturity anyway?

There are many ways to define maturity but let's look at it from a different perspective.

There are 3 levels of maturity:

1. Dependence
2. Independence
3. Interdependence

Dependence - "I want it and I want it now!" (children)

1. You are completely dependent on others to survive.
2. You are primarily reliant on outside sources to influence your behaviors and actions.
3. You are unable to provide for yourself.

Independence - "I am good and I can do this by myself." (young adults)

1. You are able to survive on your own.
2. You are not reliant on outside sources to influence your behaviors and actions.
3. You are able to provide for yourself.

Interdependence - "I know this already but I still want your advice." (adults)

1. You are able to create synergy with others.
2. You understand that the combined effort is greater than the sum of its parts.
3. You seek to understand others before taking actions.

Being able to get along with others is the highest form of maturity.

Always think win/win situation.

A Healthy and Wealthy Being

I moved here to United States from the Philippines in August 1999. My first job here ever was picking up dog poops! From then on, I would never forget the true value of money.

In High School, I picked up trash and cleaned the hallways after school. On weekends, I would go to my mother’s friend’s house to clean her yard and water the plants. During summer, I was doing landscaping at school, planting trees, and digging ditches and trenches. I also harvested grapefruits. I saved a lot of money.

Before attending college, I paid my first car, a purple Dodge Neon, in cash. I also saved enough to pay for 1 year of college schooling. I wrote a lot of essays and received several scholarships for that. My high school efforts were rewarded through college scholarships, accolades and academic awards, and became the Salutatorian of my class.

I joined a summer program called Summer Bridge. This program allowed incoming students to experience the college life by staying on campus and taking introductory classes for a month before starting the regular school year. I also received credits towards my college classes. These credits allowed me to skip some classes I would have to take during my freshman year. That was awesome, I took advance classes immediately.

In college, I did the same things back when I was in High School. I worked while studying. I was a tutor in Mathematics for 3 years at several Middle School and High School in town. During the summer, I would drive up to the Bay Area (San Ramon, Novato, and Danville) where I took the job as an office assistant. I worked for an Insurance Marketing company. I worked closely with a CEO and the CPA.

How does this story relate to the title of this article? My attitude and behavior towards money.

Let’s talk about credit cards and why they are dangerous. Especially for those of you who are in college, parents with teenage kids, and those of you who currently have credit cards.

Only use credit card to build your credit score, your FICO. My rule of thumb with Credit Card is that, if I use $100 on that credit card today, I better have $100 tomorrow to pay if off. If I used that credit card to buy something that is worth $2,000 today, I better be able to pay that $2,000 tomorrow to pay it off. Basically, I don’t buy things I can’t afford to pay in cash by the end of the money. Otherwise, I will never be wealthy. I will explain this later.

Let’s outline a quick history about credit card.

In 1956, there were no credit cards. In 1970, only 15% of Americans have credit cards. In 1978, only millionaires could own these “gold” or “platinum” credit cards. In 1980s, banks realized the extreme profit opportunity with credit card, using 18-32% yearly rate in charges for money loaned. Today, almost everyone with a wallet has a credit card or two. Credit cards are marketed aggressively in a sophisticated manner. Over 6 billion are sent out into our mailboxes with that “pre-approved” credit card Visa, Discover Card, or Master Card.

Today, having debt in credit cards and/or student loans has become normal – the American way of life! The 75% of the Fortune 400 people, basically those who are wealthy and rich, disagreed with this normal way of life. These rich people paid everything in cash. These people worked hard.

An older lady told me once, “Mike, live the American dream but never forget where you came from, your heritage, and your culture.” I honestly didn’t know what she meant but I agreed anyways. I’m starting to realize that she might have been talking about my values and principles. This applied to my personal financing.

One thing I came to realize is that I’ve never learned about personal financing while taking every other possible academic subject there is in college. So, by the time I got out of college, I was in debt. Eventually, I will be debt-free and wants to stay that way. I will pay everything in cash and invest the rest because I am tired of paying interest. I want to eventually live on my investment income.

I use credit card only to maintain or increase my FICO score, which is currently nearing 800. Otherwise, I pay everything in cash or debit. I will never fall for credit card purchases, which I don’t have money for. In the future, I want my money to work harder that I can. Investment! Money is a reliable worker. It is never late, never sick, and can never get pregnant. Money just needs a disciplined master. My goal at this time is to pay off the rest of my student loan. I’m nearing DEBT-FREE!

What is your behavior towards your personal finance? Paying the minimum on that card for the rest of your life? Buy cars you don’t have money for so you have payments for the remainder of your life? Lenders are selling you interest and neither a services nor products. You are a slave to the lenders.

Spend less than what you make. Don’t fall for borrowing too much money just because you can make minimum payments. Credit Cards are the worst. You will drown yourself in payments and it’s not even funny. Soon, collections will be out to get you. Invest your saving money so that someday, your money will work harder than you. Imagine living off of your investment income.

5 Good Habits You Need to Teach Your Children at Home

Your children needs your guidance and wisdom before they can step out of the house to face the real world. Teach them little things that make a big difference. One of the best ways to teach them is to instill habits in their behavior. Good habits and bad habits will play a big role in the next few years in their lives. Out of High School, most of them will either go to college, work, or military.

As good parents, it is your responsibility that your children are equipped with tools that will guide their adulthood life. Sometimes, their success depends on your persistent love and discipline at home.

The following are some of my suggestions to disciplining your children.

5 good habits you need to teach your teenagers at home:

1. Do not slam the doors. Nothing should be slammed: Cabinet doors, bathroom doors, sliding doors, car doors, fridge doors. You are teaching them the discipline to be patient, on top of not breaking things at home. They are not in a hurry and should not be. Plus, you won't break things when you don't slam doors!
   
2. Put back the things where you got them. Think of glasses, chairs, shower sliding doors, towers, clothes, and whatever it is that you would gripe about because you end up doing it yourself.
   
3. Be on time. If they go out to a friends house, make sure they commit to a time as to when they are coming back home. If they're 15 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 5 minutes late, let them know that you don't approve of it. To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is to be in trouble.
   
4. Give them obligations. They can be responsible for putting away or washing the dishes after dinner at the table. Vacuum the house, maybe once a week on a specific day. Sweep the front door walk way. Make sure these are driven by schedule. Be clear and consistent with your instructions. Assure that they are the boss of the tasks they are given and that they are responsible for their performance.
   
5. Do not stock dirty dishes or silverware in the sink. Make sure that your children rinse and put dirty dishes and silverware inside the dish washer. Send a message to them that the sink must always be clean every time, anytime, all the time.

Remember to always reinforce and appreciate "good" behavior at home. Make sure that they are being rewarded and feeling accomplished when they follow the 5 good habits mentioned above.

A good portion of their success depends on what you teach them while they are at home and before they face the real world.

Think Win-Win in All Your Human Interaction

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." - Plato

Thinking win-win is not about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. The methodology is a character-based system that guides human interaction and collaboration.

Many of us base our self-esteem and self-worth on competition and comparison. We often assume that we are triumphant when someone else falls. That is, I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life then becomes a zero-sum balance. There is only so much slices of pizza to go around. If you get more slices, I get less. It is not fair so I will make sure you don't get anymore slices. Most of us play this kind of game but how much fun is it really?

On the other hand, win-win sees life as a cooperative stage. Win-win attitude is a state of mind and heart that consistently seeks mutual benefit in all of our human interaction. The basic idea of win-win is that both parties agree on solutions that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pizza and it tastes pretty darn delicious!

An organization or a person who approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude has these 3 important character traits:

1. Integrity - Maintaining true values, commitments, and feelings.
   
2. Maturity - Expressing ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for ideas and feelings of others.
   
3. Abundance Mentality - Believing that there is plenty for everyone.

Far too many people think in terms of "either/or". Either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balance of being courageous and considerate. In order to think of win-win, you not only have to be empathic but also have tremendous confidence. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave.

The balancing act of courage and consideration marks the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win mentality.

I Just Joined BHHH!

BHHH stands for Bakersfield Hash House Harriers.

We meet every Monday at 6:30 to do 1 one thing - to run and drink! There is a theme each run. This time it was to commemorate the Manic Monday, last day to file your tax! Some runners had fake money attached on their running outfit, including myself. It was awesome! The people in the organization are fun, respectful, and needless to say - very active!

Yesterday, April 18th - We ran one of the shortest BHHH runs ever, about 2 miles and on top of that, we had 10 beer tops. 10 BEER STOPS! After the run, we hung out at Cataldoz Pizza.

We plan on running each Monday at 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm. If you're interested, let me know. You will like it. Makes running fun and 4 miles feels more like 1 mile when you run with BHHH.

I'm Contributing on Another Blogsite

Recently, Ryan, a good friend of mine asked me to contribute to his blog site.

On his blogsite, we talk about computers, Windows tip and tricks, iPhone, iPhone Apps, etc.

I will be contributing to his blog site often. I will write about iPhone and iPhone applications.

Here's Ryan's blog site: Doztech

I Can’t Make Up My Mind!

I like to blog but I can’t make up my mind as to what topic I should focus my blogging on.

Personal Finance? Leadership? Emotional Intelligence? Management? Relationship? Inspirations? Arts and Music? News Headliners?

So, I decided at this time that I’m going to write whatever I feel like writing about. It could be any of the above topics or something completely random.

The fun begins.

The Reading in Our Lives

When it comes to information about people, events, and even entertainment, reading materials are your best source. Why? Okay, here it is. It is a secret, keep it for yourself, and so do not tell anyone else but your children if you want them to benefit from this activity called reading.

Let us look at a very short story about a successful doctor.

At age 3, John was just an innocent child, filled with endless potentials. Lilia is John’s mother. She worked for a wealthy family as a housekeeper. She was a hard worker, charismatic, and an honest woman. One day, she noticed while cleaning in the living room that the children read books and rarely turned on the television.
That afternoon, she asked the parents of the children, the people whom she worked for, “It is fascinating to see those kids read books at such young ages. What drives them to read books rather than to watch TV?” Her boss replied, “Well, we read to them when they were kid, before they knew what TV is or what it does. They enjoyed hearing the excitement in adventures. They enjoyed it so much that they wanted more but we were not always available to read to them. As they learned to read, they could not resist the rich story of adventures. So, they read all the time.”

Lilia went back home and eventually made sure that John would read books and also write summaries of the books he read. She was persistent in making sure that John would read books and write summaries. John did not like it at all but eventually grew up to like it. He was learning and being entertained at the same time. John is now one of the world’s most respected doctors. And the catch is? His mother, Lilia, could not even read but made sure that John did. (The End).

Some of the things I enjoy in life are reading and writing. Reading is rather easier than writing and sometimes more convenient, educating, and entertaining. Writing requires you not only to think but to materialize your thinking to writing them down on paper. From thinking to doing! It applies to life. You can have great philosophies but if you do not act on it, well that is what they are, just a philosophies. It is the act of doing the great ideas that matters. Integrity is great but doing it is better. Honestly is great but doing it is better. Sincerity is great but doing it is better. Well, you get my point.

I truly believe that most of you agree in the infinite values of reading and writing. These are two verb (action) words. They are materialized when you act on them. Remember, one thing that other people cannot take away from you is knowledge. And if I cannot connect with you in a theoretical sense, then let me simply apply it to your work, whether you are working now or planning to in the near future. If you are being paid for what you do rather than what you know, you are in trouble. In today’s society, jobs are neither secure nor stable. Be ready for anything and everything. Prepare yourself to become not only to be a doer but a knower.

Just like John, you have the potential to become whoever you want to be. You do not have to be a CEO, a doctor, or a well-known person but you can start by reading. Seeking knowledge and understanding is something we all do. Have you ever heard of the cliché, “The more you know, the less you know”? Let me add to that, “The more you know, the less you know, which makes you want to know more and then you do so.”

Tools for Success

“Read, write, and do arithmetic”? Have you heard of those five words before? Good. If not, let me explain what it means. Reading means to read a book, journal, or an article in the newspaper. You can read bumper stickers too if you are into that sort of thing. No one is stopping you as long as you read. Writing means to write a summary, journal, or silly random ideas on paper, or electronically.

To do arithmetic is to deal with numbers. You deal with it every day. Questions in your head like, “What time should I put my make-up on so I can get to the party on time?” or “How long will it take me to drive from point A to Point B?” or “How much should I tip?” or “Should I buy this or that?” or “Do I have enough money?” You do not pull out a calculator every time these questions come up in your head. Do you? I hope not. There are gazillions of numbers that are running through your head without you even noticing it. Do not confuse arithmetic with mathematics. One is about numbers and the other is about theory. Forget about theories for now. Let us go back and dive into the subject of reading and writing since these two are highly interdependent.

Let me tell you my opinion about reading and then later I will explain why I highly recommend for you to write.

Be Proactive and Take Charge of Your Life

Most mistakes are byproducts of accidents and lack of preventions. They say accidents happen but so do preventions. You can take actions to control your environment. Eliminate accidents by practicing preventive measures. It is thinking before acting. Accidents usually happen due to our reactive nature to the environment. The act of taking preventive measures is being proactive in our actions. Taking charge of your life means to take responsibilities of your decisions and their subsequent consequences.

Would you rather guide your actions based on your surroundings or your own will? The environment is the stimuli, an agent for you to react and respond. A response is the action you decide to do: a response at your own will. One thing you will always have in this situation is that you choose to respond because you are response-able. If you choose to be happy, you feel and be so. If you choose to be mad, you feel and be so. If other people act in a way that makes you mad, rather or not they are intended towards you, then you get mad. Or wait, you can still choose not to be mad.

Remember, you are response-able and it is up you. You have the freedom to choose a response regardless of your environment.

Let me share with you the story that was told by a speaker during a personality seminar. The speaker shared an interesting story that applies in our daily lives. The story pertains to Tiger Woods’ training.

You all know that Tiger Woods is one of the best professional golfers in the world today. Tiger’s weakest game is when he has to pitch the ball from the sand. He is terrible whenever the ball is in the sand pit. Regardless of his focus and determination, he just cannot seem to aim good whenever he has to hit the ball out of the sand. What do you think Tiger and his trainer worked on? They did not focus on his swing, his form, nor his determination and focus. It was simple; they practiced on making sure that the ball does not go into the sand pit!

Ever since then, he became the best golfer of all time. Let me repeat, accidents happen but so do preventions. Tiger took the time to practice and chose to prevent the ball from going into the sand pit.

Life Lessons

They say, “Life goes on.” Therefore, while life is still going on, make something out of it. If you fall down, don’t just get back up without knowing how you fell down. Learn from it.

Yes, we learn from mistakes but hopefully not from the same mistakes over and over. There is a difference between learning from the same mistakes and learning from different mistakes as you climb up the maturity ladder. It is like an evolution. We adapt to environmental changes based on what we have learned in the past experiences.

There are countless of other things that we should be falling into and learning from. Be determined, try hard, and learn from your mistakes by telling yourself that you do not want to fall for the same mistakes.

So the next time you fall, get back up and ask yourself, “What can I do to make sure this does not happen again?”

Ignorance is Bliss

I am sure you have heard of “Ignorance is bliss”, but have you ever thought about where it came from? I am also sure that you have heard of Socrates. He was one of the wisest people who have ever stepped on this planet. He once said, “If ignorance is bliss, ‘til folly to be wise.” One day, a person came up to him seeking knowledge and wisdom. Socrates then took him into the sea and held him below the water until he was to the point of death. Then Socrates told the man that when he wants wisdom as much as he wanted to breathe, he would have it. For all of us engaged in the search of knowledge, ignorance is agony. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.